Clarkson

Driving home tonight from work, I was listening to the iPod and the Kelly Clarkson song "Because of You" came on.

I found myself looking at this song in a new light, most likely not intended by Ms. Clarkson:

As a self-identified introvert who generally doesn't like people, I have come to understand through my 20s my own pathology, and the likely reason I became this way if it wasn't a gene that made me as such.

Not talking much could be nature or nurture, but not particularly liking people as a general fact, seems to be more nurture-related (or the lack thereof, more specifically).

As a kid, I was constantly bullied (as I have noted in the past post on Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris, the Columbine boys).

The words, "Because of you, I never strayed to far from the sidewalk. I learned to walk on the safe-side so I don't get hurt.", take on another meaning in my young life.

I believe my pathology largely comes from me now subconsciously seeing the "you" as society and the very adults I walk among being the very same type who treated me like total shit just because I looked a bit different.

I have never taken shit from anyone, even as a primary kid, I didn't. I always fought back physically when confronted, as I would do now. But, the verbal and nonverbal browbeating never ceased in my mind and in reality and my teachers did little to fight back. Perhaps they never knew, but being a teacher now, I know better.

I am acutely aware of bullies as a teacher. Moreover, the old, standard mythology of the bully doing what he/she does because they are boosting their own low self-esteem has been recently discredited by researchers at Stanford. Instead, they found bullies tended to be your classic extrovert, type-a personality, who think they are the shit.

I can honestly say of all the things I treat most harshly as a teacher, it is bullying. I have even gone into other teacher's classrooms and asked to speak to a student who didn't know me from Tom, Dick, or Harry.

It's only gotten worse. Between parental irresponsibility, and teacher's being stripped of rights...bullying is back with a force. I am on a mission to stop it wherever I see it, and I'm just glad our school has a full time psychologist that works with students who have some issues in this area. I'd certainly have been fired by now if we didn't.